I am King Ahab.

Tonight I gave a talk at youth group on King Ahab.
Little did I know that going into prepping for this talk, would I discover several things about myself and the newly found importance of friends and family.
King Ahab was dubbed "the baddest of the bad". His "incident" with Naboth's vineyard gives reason as to why. The Rev. Dr. Scott Dudley calls Ahab's experience with being consumed with desire and being bitchy when you don't get your way the "if only" syndrome. Translation: Ahab's attitude was "if only I have Naboth's vineyard, then I would be happy".
Do we not do the same?
Okay, I know I totally do.
Upon reflecting on this passage, and how so much of the time I do the same, I also noticed a shift that has happened in my life. More on that "shift" later.
My "if only" for the past many years has been "if only I was married, then I would be happy". I know, it sounds so shallow. But I really believed it. REALLY did. I was waiting for it to happen, because when it did, the pieces would fall into place. Then I would really be happy. Then I wouldn't be lonely. Then I would have this "community" that I so longed for. In the process of believing this, guess what happened? Self-absorption. I totally became obsessed with just getting what I wanted. What an icky place to be. I probably wasn't the greatest person to hang out with. Most of my relationships were surfacey. And even when I would feel convicted about thinking that maybe there was something else out there besides my "if only" that could make me happy...I didn't do anything about it, because I really did believe that marriage was my ticket to happiness.
It may sound cheesy, but Cooper James Vander Pol (born March 25, 2009) shook me out of this self-centered mindset.
This is the shift I was talking about earlier.
Seeing him for the first time, I knew that there was something greater beyond my "if only" (correction, I didn't know this right away, it was a process...but looking back, it was his birth that started the process, so I give him the credit. I'll tell him when he's older...and thank him for it). Being a part of his life, and being more intentional with family really showed me that there is greater fulfillment than sitting around wishful thinking.
The trouble I have gotten into is this: when I am consumed with what I want, I miss out on things going on all around me - especially the things that God wants for me. And that is a most dangerous place to be.
I'm glad to say I've shaken off my "if only" and though it comes back to haunt me, I have learned these past 9 months that I am truly fulfilled and happy when I am asking God what HE wants for me (not what Annie wants for me...because I'm often wrong) and participating in the relationships He's already surrounded me with - like family and strong relationships I'm building with roommates and awesome ladies (yea, you know who you are).
So, Coopaloopa, Coop du Jour, King Coopa, Cooper James - thank you. I'm glad you were born to knock some sense into me.